8/9/20

So, I want to write a free write.  What can I say when people deny everything I say?  I tell someone I saw their old BF, they metaphorically laugh in my face.  I am worried because my front teeth are loose.  Does that mean that I have a future life as a person who shows their front teeth to be happy?  Or did I not have front teeth in a past life?  It makes you wonder- like a willow tree weeps when it loses its leaves, because they want to cascade down the hill instead.  I get by, doing my things with the dogs- the better they look, the longer the moment lasts.  Did I spell lasts right?  I have taken so many Spanish classes that I beg to differ when someone says they majored in Spanish, because I minored in it, and I know it just as well.  Maybe the point is to uncover ideas that would have otherwise been lost had not the mind been able to be set free through the process of escaping English.  It’s like finding the cave under the ocean where mermaids once lived, happy and free.  You think I am out of ideas?  I have just gotten started.

I might need a deep clean to fix the problem of my front teeth being loose.  My mom will probably pay for it, but it is still up in the air- you know, like those swarms of flies that hang out in the middle of the sidewalk, just to piss you off and get lost in your hair, just like that idea you had yesterday that you wanted to write in you Notes on your phone- until she passes by and takes it away from you.  That’s how she gets by, she finds that particle in the middle of your soul and holds on to it like it is all she has, in the middle of the night, curled up on her bed, wishing she could go back in time and fix it all.  Am I being with her right now?  Probably not.  Probably it is just my imagination/OCD running away with me, like how it used to when I lived at my parents and I would sit on the front porch on late summer nights, watching them pass by in their cars.  They were just waiting for that perfect moment to come back, until that thing happened where the number one got pissed off because of how I flirted with his friend’s cousin in Spanish class.  Will he ever get over it?  Not until he knows that it wasn’t fate- it was a fluke, something that would keep him safe in limbo until we parted ways, only to find ourselves lost and alone.

I am more than halfway done.  I am planning on going to the dentist sometime this week.  I want the problem fixed.  I am hungry, and I need my teeth.  I am listening to Eminem, who will probably go the third part of hell for not caring that some of his lyrics are disturbing.  What can we do?  The Cabbage Patch Kid inside of me would say while I danced around the basement while my mom ironed clothes that now a days would still need to be ironed.  When I was a kid, I had the crazy thing that they would pawn off as the bad kind of crazy.  I didn’t know who was who until people started to have sex to survive.  Is that how it will be in the future, is that how our souls will be saved?  All I know is—everything I have written.  I bought some philly cheesesteak potato chips and can’t wait to dig in, because I am genuinely hungry.  I hope everything will be ok.  The angels don’t even know what’s going to happen, indefinitely- and the peeps from hell come to visit to say that one day someone new will reign, and it’s not going to be him because he won’t be able to handle it, initially.  Will my mom get mad if I ask the dentist to call her?  But how else will I get my way?  I feel like I have turned three last night.  I feel like I am still afraid of being alone.  I feel like if people knew what the angels know, they would go crazy, and when they look at each other in the eyes, they are actually looking into the back of the respective brain- one opposing the other.   That was the thing that used to go on in my old neighborhood, but now everyone is doing it, and I feel left out.  I will be ok though, until the old friends figure out what happened on that fateful night, when one guy went up against the other to be saved by her hiding the truth.

And I have come to the end of the free write.  I wrote it to set you free- the young angel at the coffee shop Saturday.  Just remember- all you need to write is a guardian angel, a good starting off point, and a means of trusting those around you, even if you think, initially, otherwise.