12/23/18

Reflection- How I Feel About- What I wonder About

I feel awkward when I don’t know the truth

I feel hungry when I am already full 

I feel empty when you doubt me

I feel whole at the thought

That we could have loved each other if things had gone another way

I feel happy at the thought of how we used to be

And at the thought that I am needed by people like you

But you the most

I feel excited when I hear your car drive by

When I know it is yours without looking at the car

I feel special when I have a dream about

Being special

I feel sad when people don’t understand things from my viewpoint

I feel happy now that I cannot

Doubt you

I feel cold when I sit on the couch and write

And see the red cross the horizon

On my screensaver

And the lyrics fill my apartment:

In the name of love

In the name name

I wonder if Jesus is as holy as he is depicted

Or even more holy,

At that

I wonder if you would have ditched your friend

If someone else told you that now he doesn’t feel the same

About you

I wonder what point in time I could do over

What tangent could have been made

So that you now wouldn’t hate me

You, and him, and him, and him

I wonder what the opposition in the back of my mind represents

Which would manifest itself in the future

If things go okay after

You would break up with me-

When you would dump me after it

Just to feel the revenge that you crave so strongly

I wonder if you are reading this

And if you are-

Oh.