6/18/19

What Am I Supposed to Do?

When the sun is so bright, but I still can’t blink

When I walk on the floor but can’t see my tracks

When I feel alone but there are dozens of windows outside my apartment

When I have an eyelash in my eye so that I have split vision

And everything is still blurry

Who Am I Supposed to Trust?

When the blindness in the back of my eyes

Meets the redness in an all-nighter that I would never be able to pull of

If it weren’t for the characters in the back of my mind that never let me sleep

So that when I am separated from them, I don’t know what to do

Who Am I Supposed to Love?

When the mobs don’t want anything to do with me

When a man I understand as something from my past haunts my thoughts when I am asleep

And when I dream of him, we are distances apart

I reach out my hand to his and he does the same

Just like his girlfriend does

And the red in his eyes reminds me of home

And when he holds another, I don’t know…

What to say

But it is late now, and I am alone

Except for the promise of a dream that comes with the closing of my eyes

And the invitation of the night

The purple and black and the sensibility that comes

With a diction of words and a management of secrets

A discretion of truth or the upfront lying

That goes along with heart ache and crying and fear

But that is all over when I take his hand

Like he does hers

And we are both onstage, drunk on melodrama

That should be taken away

But isn’t so that it is all with us

And no one can tell me what to say or do and no one can tell him to mind his thoughts

So as not to hurt my feelings

And when the sun falls, I sit in my lobby, that morning

Wondering why I am not outside in the crisp breeze, next to the lake

Running my heart out so that I can feel the friction in the air

And I can replay the high points of the dream in my head

Until it flies away into the waves and leaves me

Wanting another