Free Write 10/23/16

I have had many experiences in the past few years where my mind has gone a little crazy with imagination.  Sometimes I look up stuff on the internet, sometimes I look up pictures and images on bing.com and google.com, and my mind runs away with creativity that I just can’t hold in.  So I want to write about some of these things.

The first time I read The Diary of Anne Frank, I didn’t think much of it.  A few times later I began to be able to draw conclusions on what type of a person Anne was.  She seemed to me outgoing, yet alone, in a place where she shouldn’t have been, being confined in an annex with other people for such a long period of time.  When I watched the movie The Diary of Anne Frank for the first time, I became enchanted with the relationships she had with others; with Peter, her boyfriend, with her father, and with her sister Margot.  The romance that displayed itself throughout the different scenarios was interesting.  Her dark eyes (eyes being the window to the soul) were magnetic.  Her curly hair is what I associate her with; in my mind it is her most significant characteristic.

After reading the book and watching the movie, I began to wonder what it would really be like to live the life Anne lived.  Did she really get along that well with her father?  What did her and Peter really do up in that attic alone?  Did other Jews and victims of the Holocaust feel such intense feelings when they were in hiding?  What happened in other scenarios such as this?  The time and tone during World War II must have been something that I could never understand; the danger of bombs arching over you as you try to sleep in your bed; the possibility of no tomorrow looming over the bleak reality of danger in your life.  The total possibilities of the scenarios still escape me.  What would it be like to be cooped up during such a time when nothing is certain?  Would your thoughts escape you because all you could feel is the fear of the unknown?  What if you stay awake all night, alone with your thoughts?  What if the surrealism that comes with such a precarious situation began to leak into something new, something people will never truly understand, but experience anyway?  Being cooped up like Anne must have been something unreal.  I can’t help but feel like there must have been a hint of magic in her situation, just because her and the people she lived with still human beings, so they were still partially with God.  And God must have known and felt what her and the rest of the people with her were going through.  But still they were very alone.  And being cooped up in such a manner must have led to the surreal.  What would happen if being confined in such a manner led to the impossible?  What if, the situation being as unique as it was, it led to something new?  What if they started to hear each other’s thoughts when they lie awake at night, hearing bombs go off, as this would be the best form of comfort, the way they were still with God?  What if such new barriers were crossed? 

After googling things like Anne Frank’s boyfriend, and The soldier that arrested Anne Frank, I came across a photo of a boy that I could look up if I Googled Frank from Norway.  He looked around the same age as Anne.  Something in his eyes mystifies me, as if he is showing the fear that must have gone along with the war.  I began to wonder if he went through what Anne did.  What if the psychological barriers, the things before the barriers of what the people of the war once associated with reality, were crossed, and they began to become clairvoyant?  What if Frank from Norway stay awake at night, wondering would happen if he died the next day, and what if the person in the bed next to him told him, mentally, that he or she had the same fear?  And what if their place of hiding was busted by Nazi soldiers the next day?  And what if a girl that lived with Frank in hiding was carrying his unborn baby?  And what if Frank and the people he was in hiding with were placed in cars, on their way to a concentration camp?  And what if on the way to the concentration camp these Nazi soldiers heard the thoughts between Frank and his girlfriend?  And what if their child was born?  And what if this scenario happened multiple times?  And what if Nazis did tests on Frank, and his girlfriend, and their child/children (if they were to have twins or triplets)?  What if this was the real turning point of the war?  What if this was the way in which some unknown force in the existence of spirituality let in the thing that would lead to a new existence in all we know as humanity?  Of course, I think God would never acknowledge that he let WWII happen so that such a thing was possible.  Just looking at pictures online of the Jews of the war led me to this conclusion.  But something, somewhere, somehow, must have known that the crossing of such barriers must happen sometime, and what a better time to surface than during a time of complete destruction and uncertainty? 

Frank from Norway’s full name is Frank Sachnowitz, and he is from Larvik, Norway.  Something in his eyes tells me that he is something special, as it is with Anne Frank’s eyes.  I could never imagine what it would be like to have to give up your child to the Nazis, so they could understand what might have been with the reality of psychic babies.  Knowing that you are without/not completely with your children, at any time, must be something stressful.  I began to wonder what a baby of Anne and Peter would be like.  Would he/she be psychic, clairvoyant, because of what psychological barriers were crossed in the annex, during a time when they were truly alone?  Would it be a boy or girl?  Would they be twins or triplets?  What would it feel like to have to give up your baby to a higher power- that power being the Nazis, and everything they stood for? 

Looking up pictures on google.com and bing.com got me to thinking about what the soldiers that arrested Anne Frank must have been like.  A bit of research led me to finding out that the soldier that arrested Anne Frank was Karl Silberbauer, and the one who ordered it was Julius Dettmann.  Another soldier that caught my eye online was Wilhelm Dorr.   After much contemplation, and after much soul searching that I felt after looking at the daze in their eyes, I began to think they were just as much a victim of consequence, because they were a victim to Hitler and his brainwashing, as were many Germans under the rule of Hitler.  Karl Silberbauer’s eyes I like the best.  Sometimes I fall asleep wondering what led to the gleam that looks like light reflecting off of a mirror in his left eye.  Maybe he knew about the clairvoyance that revealed itself.  Maybe he knew about the WWII babies.  The term The Angel of Death crossed my mind after I looked at his photograph for the millionth time.  Of course what went on during this time, what Karl Silberbauer experienced and did, was evil, but something in his eyes tell me there had to be something good in him.  What if he was the guardian angel of Anne and Peter’s baby, like a father figure?  Of course this is an extremely far-fetched idea, but there is the possibility of truth in the situation.

What if Karl Silberbauer and Julius Dettmann were both angels of death?  After much contemplation, I have also drawn the conclusion that angels can also be associated with aliens, because they are from another world.  Maybe that world is heaven, maybe it is not, maybe that world is something we are not meant to understand because it has something to do with the next step, the afterlife, something that would be ruined for you if you knew too much about it.  If you look at the picture of Karl Silberbauer and place a piece of paper over his eyes, so that only the bags off his eyes are showing, he looks like an alien.  After discovering this, I began to associate this with clairvoyance, or some psychic ability, like he was an alien that wouldn’t need eyes to see, like a normal human being would.  Then if you cover up the top half of his eyes, the bottom half looks like black marbles.  If you cover up the bottom half of his eyes, the top half looks glassy, like light is shining through them, the opposite off the bottom half.  And then if you cover up, with your finger, the gleaming light part in his left eye, the “t” (that looks like half of a cross, or two beds forming a “t,” that reminds me of my sister and I’s bed formation that we had in our old bedroom), and the other gleaming light part all the way on the left, it looks almost like that eye is rolling to the back of his head.  And if you cover up most of the right of his right eye, it looks like an extraordinary iris shows. 

I was almost as intrigued by the photograph of Julius Dettmann.  In the picture of him on bing.com that I look up often it looks like he has no pupils, just a gleam of light covering the center of his eyes.  And sometimes I wonder why he wore the cross on his uniform, I wonder if has something to do with Nazi Germany, or Jesus Christ.  I wonder if it was his way of showing that he still believed in God, amongst all of the evil and danger he was involved in.  And when I cover up his eyes, I don’t see as much as the same alien- eye image that I do with Karl Silberbauer.  And I wonder what it must have been like to have the authority to do what he did, by arresting Anne and her family and the other people she lived with, and I wonder if he was there (in the movie there were two soldiers) during the arresting.  If you cover up Wilhelm Dorr’s eyes, under his eyes he has the same half-under-eye bags thing happening as Julius Dettmann, and it doesn’t look as much as an alien as does Karl Silberbauer’s eyes make him seem.

Another image that I look up online a lot is The Last Supper.  What intrigues me about this painting is Mary Magdalene’s facial expression.  She looks angry, reserved, and content all at the same time; reserved and content because of the apostle to her left, Peter.  It looks like all of the apostles are there for her, and Jesus is lost in thought/prayer/and/or jealousy.  What amazes me about the story of Jesus and his apostles and Mary Magdalene is that which is most left unsaid, that which only some people believe, that which makes the whole scenario seem more real, that being that Mary Magdalene was Jesus’ wife and that they had a baby.  If you look at the back of the Apostle Peter’s head, it looks kind of like an alien sucking its thumb.  If you look at the area around the ear and the neck of the Apostle Matthew, it looks kind of like the same thing, like an alien, except it has more of a masculine look to it, and the alien image behind the Apostle Peter’s head looks more feminine.  Maybe this means that Mary Magdalene had a kid/kids with these apostles.  Maybe she didn’t actually have a child with Jesus Christ.  I came to this conclusion after watching The Da Vinci Code, the movie, and after looking up The Last Supper online.  Another detail I noticed about the painting The Last Supper is how some of the other apostles have the same alien-in-the-back-of-the-head-thing going on.  What could this mean? Did Mary Magdalene have a child with all of these apostles?  Probably not.  Maybe they were all guardian angels to Mary Magdalene’s child.  Maybe Mary Magdalene had more than one child.  Maybe she had twins, as the alien images that reflect in the images of the Apostles of Peter and Matthew seem most realistic.  There is no such image in Jesus Christ or Mary Magdalene in the painting.

I’m sure some of these thoughts seem kind of crazy, but these are the conclusions I have come to after looking up some pictures and images on google.com and bing.com.  Of course there are probably millions more ideas and concepts that one can think of to research, but Anne Frank’s precarious situation and the hidden meanings of The Last Supper are what I wanted to write about today.  There are probably a million other possible secrets and ideas waiting to be unearthed.  I wonder what I will be able to think of next. 

-Because you were the same as me, but on your knees.

(Black Balloon, The Goo Goo Dolls)