DRAFT: This module has unpublished changes.

6/23/18

Tonight, I want to go all the way- with my blanket.  Sometimes I feel like I get almost too intimate with my blanket, maybe because it is filled with feathers.  When I say I am intimate with my blanket, I mean I get tangled up in it, like it is a big pillow.  Is that how I am being with my guardian angel when I sleep?  What goes on when you fall asleep?  I never want to wake up because I feel almost completely complete when I am unconscious.  Maybe it is then when I go into some parallel universe, like the afterlife, or heaven.  Do I cheat and sleep too much to see what is going on elsewhere?  I always talk to myself in my sleep, but not out loud.  I have conversations with myself and/or other people/things that are either in my dreams or in my imagination.  Am I just a brain in a jar?  Am I only talking to myself when I am sleeping?  Am I just alone when I am asleep?

When I saw James on the train, there was a guy sitting across from us, and I wonder who he was, what he represented, where he was from.  When beautiful things happen, often they are documented by the watching of others.  I showed him the part of the dream when we were standing, I think; not in the train, but on a platform.  He said they were afraid of the him (don’t want to say his real name).  It was right around that time when I started to be at peace, in a way, because I figured out who my enemies were- it was even el, (a different guy then the him)  the one who the girl thing inside of me (either that or the girl or guy that lives by me in my apartment building on my floor and had mentally said) says el is the only one who would understand the thing about me.  This makes me think- did anyone understand Mary Magdalene?  Or the Virgin Mary? VM was screwed because she couldn’t have sex.  I feel like that was God’s mistake, and that’s why I think I shouldn’t see God as perfect.  That was her mistake.  Mary Magdalene probably had sex with all the apostles, and that’s why the ears of the apostles in The Last Supper look like human faces, kind of- they were the Dads. 

Anyways, back to James, he wore his best green polo shirt, and I don’t think it was because he feared me being green/Irish.  I sometimes see the frog face on people on the train and/or bus- often they are foreigners- and the frog face is holy.  When I look in train windows, my face looks like it is burning. 

When I first started to live at Albany Care, I was without my roommate Louis.  She is probably the reason I got bed bugs and wanted to leave because of it.  But one of the nights when I first got there, there was a guy that looked like someone I used to know, the him.  I think I remember him being bald and looking like the him.  He was laying down/chilling out on my bed and I was laying down/chilling out on the empty bed next to mine that would soon be Louis’.  And I remember hanging out with him as I did with CB- he was funny and sarcastic, if I remember correctly, and it reminded me so much of the him, but it couldn’t have been him, because he gave me his hospital bracelet, and I think, it probably had his name on it, whoever he was, and I don’t remember it having his name on it.

The thing I most want to write about is the dream with the two blonde girls and some other middle-aged guy.  They were sitting on a sofa, the blonde girl, a middle-aged guy (I remember it looked like he was in his 40s 50s or 60s- can’t remember exactly) and then the other blonde girl.  I could feel without them talking that they needed me for something, that something was about to go down that they needed me for.  It was a crazy feeling and I wish I could go back to it often to better understand it.  The thing in me and the two blonde girls also, probably, is trying to figure out who the middle-aged guy is, sitting in the middle of the sofa.  Also, I think they want to know what is going on, on the television that was on in front of them.  I just remember, vaguely, a person walking and limping. The last time I few times I thought about it, that is what I remember I saw.  Either that or it was a person walking with a cane.  Can’t remember exactly.  It was one of those dreams where it was super interesting- and I wonder if it was in actuality something sent from heaven, and not just problems/ ideas in my subconscious revealing themselves.  And that makes me feel special.

DRAFT: This module has unpublished changes.