Stream of consciousness

6/9/18

Phobias are tricky.  I have a phobia of heights, so that whenever I go on an escalator I get scared and dizzy.  The only exception to this is when I can’t see what’s going on down below- kind of like how it should be in hell, if you just miss losing your soul from being really mad at someone.  No matter what, if you keep your cool you’ll be ok, but that is the rule.  That is why only people with no souls go to hell.  I don’t think this is true though, because sometimes people die for reasons beyond their control.  Maybe hell is just so used to turning down people that almost have no soul that there needs to be an additional hell, and an additional heaven.  To switch up the rules.

I like to think of angels visiting earth incognito, but what if people from hell come up to earth incognito to check up on things?  I was sitting on the train yesterday and sitting across from me was a girl and a boy who appeared to be in their twenties.  One had a funky accent, one I don’t remember how he talked.  And they reminded me of friends I used to have but lost- without really knowing it, with the exception that thing inside of me that likes to know what is going on.  And they looked so out of funk that it crossed my mind where they went after they died. And then I realized I was being crazy- but to think about it- what if you couldn’t go up or down without fixing the mess that you left behind?  Would it be even more in hell to be in limbo than it would be to be in hell? Think about it- how would you rest?  What would you call home since you left behind that which you used to call home?

I have written a lot about the neighborhood that I used to call home- but now don’t.  Now I live downtown, instead of in the suburbs of Chicago.  I hope one day to go to heaven, and this is what makes me keep my cool, in times of peril.