Love is a Funny Thing

When you are so sure of it that it makes you question your reality. The first guy I fell in love with ditched me, because another guy I was in love with got scared of me.  Or was it the reverse.  I think love should only exist if you are able to prove that you love someone.  Because otherwise you will never really know if it is genuine.  Only God would know if he really loved you, if he really loved me.  Only divine intervention could be responsible for proving a miracle.  Unless you had a little bit of God with you.  Think about it- God is so classified, so off limits, that she exists in the very core of your being, of everyone’s being.  What you choose to do with the God inside of you is up to you- but the possibilities are limitless. 

Love Part II

Someone used to love me, but I don’t know why

It hurt so bad when I found out the truth

That it could be shown when he said goodbye

That whatever had happened could never be proved

And I used to watch people pass by in the halls

And wonder what was going on inside of their heads

And all of their energy bounced off of the walls

but all the love that they had for me was just pretend

and it makes me wonder how things used to be

and what it would be like if I could do it over

and I wonder what would happen had he taken the lead

had he in the future be my guardian angel undercover

and writing this about him comes from the center of my soul

but I don’t know what to say, just because

it feels like everything that happened came from a black hole

just to show how the way it used to be, was

and I had a dream last night about his best friend, a girl

and we were in the choir to sing in front of you all

and her friend who was a boy and had blonde hair in curls

made me wonder what it would be like to really take the fall

Anyways, last night I had a dream, as I had tried to explain in the poem- it was one of those dreams that was dangerous yet intriguing at the same time.  And I feel like these people, that I grew up with and then left, belong to this feeling of danger yet intrigue.

I used to walk by the lake when I lived in Evanston.  It was a different part of the lake than where I live now.  I ran sometimes, I walked sometimes.  It was the “before” time- when sometimes I almost went insane with boredom.  I remember making myself lie down on the sand, in the sun, on the beach.  One time I saw a girl who was the best friend – I think it was her- of a girl I used to be best friends with.  I wonder with what perspective she saw me.  This happened many times, when I saw people I used to be friends with in random places, one place being the Pandora in Evanston.  I used to snag a spot, usually or at least part of the time, at one particular spot.  I saw a girl there, one that I used to go to school with and who I was friends with.  She looked slightly overweight but that must have been because she was swaddled in preppy, warm-looking clothing.  I think I remember her holding a baby, affectionately.  I haven’t seen her since then.  I saw lots of other people I used to know, while I was sitting in that spot at Pandora.  It was like the magic table, one that was chosen just for me to watch what was going on. 

Walking home from school was lonesome

But I endured the brave true cold

All I wanted was one real person

And he was the one who was the most bold