Poem and Free write unedited 3/31/18

Fear

Faer is when you see the world upside down

Like the clock on the mantle

Or when an unofficial frown

Is something you just can’t handle

It’s where the green meets the blue

And the blue meets the purple

It’s when all you want to do

Is jump over the hurdles

It’s how you don’t know what is going to happen

But you have felt the same before

Its when nothing can be cured- not even by napping

And the clothes you had yesterday are yet what you have worn

It’s who you know best

Who knows your strengths and weaknesses

Meets you in the west

And your entire body freezes

Its what follows the day when your soul comes alive

And the sky is almost too blue

And you count your blessings but there only are five

Because the rest are out of view

Stream of consciousness

The people I admore the most are those that know what they are talking about, those who stake there claims with honesty, sincerity.  My favorite thing at Starbucks is a grande double chocolate chip Frappuccino but I dare not buy one today because I don’t want to hurt the love of my life’s feelings.  He is the only one who knows what is in the back of my mind and still loves me.  But I haven’t talked to him in years.  He tried to walk up to me in the Starbucks, but before I even knew it was him I told him to leave.  I think it was because the thing in me didn’t want him to be embarrassed.  I traced the path of his footsteps yesterday in my dream,  and I felt the red go through him.  It was something that could only be felt in the subconscious, because I probably wouldn’t be Able to handle it all.  It’s the feeling you get when something feels so strong  that it makes you doubt the red sky.  It made me think that what happened was just that he was scared.  Of another guy that he still knows.  He walked out the door and turned right and all I could see was his furry brown hair that I see in my subconsciousness at too soft, juts like the rest of him.  He doesn’t belong there, among the  half of these people, where his sincerity makes him my number one. 

I am sitting in th ePAnda Express that is a block or two away from the infamous Starbucks.  I am hiding out.  I hope everything around me doesn’t know what I am thinking, but tthey probably do.  It’s the thing where what I fear most in the world lies deep within me but I am so able hide out with the other people so that no one could see it.  Or maybe they all can see it but just deny it.  What was the purpose of the last life changing thing?  My tall blonde girl friend said that they understand 1% of the Sarah thing- they being the people I live with here.  She said that now the ones I used to consider friends understand it 0%, but later on it will be 100%.  With a force so strong that it will knock half of them out so that they fall under the earth’s crust: and it is all.  Or maybe they will all be okay, finally, or maybe I’ll just be okay.  Or maybe tomorrow will be dark for one hour.  I have heard before that in Winnipeg, Canada, the temperature dipped all the way down to fourty below.  In that temperature you can make your own snow by throwing hot water in the air.  I never thought of Canada as baptized: they seem moree to me, like, they are at peace with the way that they are.  I wish I could be like that.  Right now that is me 1%, or maybe a little more.  One day I hope I get to 101% of self assurance.