2/10/19  Stream of Consciousness

Before I said that Pat doesn’t want anyone to listen to the radio.  This is not true, and I go back on my word.  What he really wants is what is best, for me.  He is not the type of person who gets off by twisting his legs on the train.  He died and now people are afraid of him in hell because he knows the ultimate thing.  I wish I could go back in time and walk with him into homeroom with is hands around my waist, like how he used to do before, not during a time when there were unicorns and fairy tales, but during a time when people didn’t know how to talk and communicated by the change of color in their eyes.  Is that how it is now? 

Music videos are tricky because they can be very entertaining yet old fashioned at the same time.  No one watches MTV anymore, at least not Total Request Live.  My dog and I used to watch it, when I got home from school, but now people have better things to do with their time, such as getting their shoes cleaned, or writing on a portfolio- not online on an actual folder, labelling what is going on in your mind.  The first time I realized I had a back of the head was when I was in Jewel Osco.  Walking down the hall I saw an elderly person who reminded me of an elderly woman of my past, and she reached into the back of my mind with her eyes.  I wondered how she was able to do that, if she was an alien or an angel, or maybe both.  Then I felt the magic thing.  I think the angels know everything in the back of people’s minds, at least after a big phenomenon like an eclipse.  During the eclipse, I was afraid of going blind so I sat in the hallway all day.  I had intended to stay in the bathroom in the workout room, but the maintenance lady kicked me out.  So I laid down and watched music videos on my computer.  I felt a ghost thing come up from the elevator and it was the thing where I almost went catatonic.  I didn’t look up enough and the being went from the elevator back down. 

I think the stuff in the back of my mind is special.  The back of my mind, yours, and everyone else’s, is where heaven lies, and all of the past lives and experiences one has ever experienced.  When I was walking down the aisle in Jewel I knew that my problems were fixed because I felt the magic thing in the back of my mind.  I knew there was something more, at that moment, than what was apparent, so I knew I had something more to hang on about experiencing.  Maybe the old lady was just a bad person and the thing in the back of my mind wouldn’t let me see the evil, so whatever was in the back of my mind saved me from being emotionally hurt. 

The first time I realized there was more than what was apparent was when I was by Oriole Park.  I was walking along the curbs and it was raining or it just had because there were puddles in the street and that thing in me realized the magic thing and that is when I knew my problems were solved, because there was some kind of higher being watching over me an all that was going on.  Another day at the park the thing in me remembered when I used to skip time with Pete from high school.  Skipping time is something that only some people can do, if you aren’t afraid.  I did stuff like that with him in high school without realizing it, while I was too focused on other superficial stuff.  I wish I could go back in time to the day of my chocolate cake speech when I almost burnt down the cafeteria, and people just sat and laughed at me.  Theodore did his on smoothie making, and it made me realize how lucky I am to have a smoothie maker.